How to Turn Regret into To-Do and Fuel Your Future (with examples from my life)

You hear the saying, “There’s no point in regretting” — but you still can’t help but regret certain things in your life.

Doing this degree/work instead of that. Being more physically active at a younger age. Not falling into that trap. Not quitting this. Not starting that sooner. And so on.

Most things are beyond our control and the situation we were in might not have been the best for sensible decision-making. We choose certain things based on the limited knowledge or understanding at that point in life.

Basically, we just did not know any better.

And that’s okay.

Wallow in sadness. Be angry at God.

But once you’re ready to move forward, perhaps you can use your regret to fuel your future.

Firstly, be grateful for the past

Cliches exist for good reason and gratitude is a longstanding cliche that brings peace.

If you can’t make peace and be grateful for every good and bad things that happened, it’s less likely that you can move forward in life. You’ll always be clinging to the past and holding grudges in your heart.

It is difficult to let go let alone be grateful of the tough and seemingly unfair things in life.

I did ponder on what would happen if that thing did not happen. I would probably be a completely different person. For better or worse — I don’t know. But it did happen and I might not have been able to control it.

Instead, I accept that that was the will of God and it taught me profound lessons in life. And those lessons have shaped the way I live today.

So while I might have regretted making or falling into certain choices, zooming out, I can’t really regret them either.

Instead of being perpetually angry and disappointed, I’ve learned to be grateful instead. I’ve learned to see the positive that came out of it. And it has made letting go and moving forward much easier.

Next, list the things you wish you had done

As long as you’re still breathing, there’s still hope and time to turn things around.

You know the nagging thoughts that start with “I wish…”?

Write them down. See if you still truly wish it and that if they’re still possible.

I’ll share a few of mine:

1. I wish I had studied agriculture or horsemanship instead of biology and chemistry.
   1. I’m interested in learning permaculture and growing organic food, and instead of learning the traditional agriculture route, I can take courses on permaculture. There’s the permaculture design course that I can find near me. I can also learn about social permaculture from the Institute of Regenerative Livelihoods.
2. I wish I had not stopped gymnastics and continued to work on my flexibility.
   1. I was pretty much ill from ten to late teens due to anaemia and I was only recovering as I reached 20. Despite that, I had been pretty much active as a kid but my illness stopped me from going further so there was always a limit to my physical abilities. In university, horse riding was probably the only exercise. I only started properly training my body at 23, starting with one year of Muay Thai and then switching to street dance. My mobility has improved but I still can’t do the splits like I could when I was a kid. But as I’m still alive, I can still train for that and more. So now I’m focusing more on calisthenics training.
3. I wish I had put out my travel content as I was travelling.
   1. I did plan to vlog my travels in 2022. I recorded, I documented. But after a few videos, I stopped. I didn’t edit or publish the rest. I still have the raw clips. It was just too much for me to handle at that time. I was working as a freelancer while trying to make the most of being in foreign cities. So I eventually dropped the least important thing at that time. Making videos didn’t make me money. But I know that if I had started then, I would have earned money from or because of those videos right now. So what do I do with this? I can still put out those videos. But instead of the typical travel vlog style, I can weave a profound story. So instead of in the moment travel, I can take my time to edit the videos in a storytelling way that could be interesting.

Do those other choices now

Once you’ve listed your wishes, you can decide whether to keep them as wishes or make them come true.

For each wish I listed above, it’s still possible for me to realise them. There’s also an advantage of doing it later in life when you have more knowledge and wisdom to do them efficiently.

So turn those wishes into to-dos!

• Carve out the steps needed to achieve the goal.
• Identify the gaps in your skill and knowledge.
• Work on improving the necessary skills and/or knowledge.
• Religiously and consistently follow the steps towards your goal.

Easier said than done, I know.

But it is possible with a growth mindset, faith in God, support system, and taking one step at a time.